When my husband demanded a to-do list for parenting our daughter, I obliged, but there was a twist. The last item on that list left him speechless and transformed our family forever. Who knew a simple list could pack such a punch?
Being a mom is tough, but it’s even harder when your partner doesn’t have your back. I never thought I’d be in this situation, but here I am, fuming at my husband’s irresponsibility as a father.
A woman looking straight ahead | Source: Midjourney
I married Derrick four years ago and everything was perfect back then. We were happy and ready to start a family.
I still remember how Derrick cried out of happiness when we found out I was pregnant.
“You’re going to be a great father, Derrick,” I told him that day.
“And you’ll be the best mother to our baby!” he replied, smiling from ear to ear.
A man talking to his wife | Source: Midjourney
That night, Derrick promised he’d be there for me whenever I needed him. He said he’d never leave me alone and would do everything to make me and our little one feel safe.
But from the day Amelia was born, it was like he’d forgotten all his promises about being an involved dad.
At first, I cut him some slack.
He was working while I was on maternity leave, so I figured he must be tired. I stopped expecting him to help with the baby care.
A man sleeping in his bed | Source: Midjourney
It wasn’t like he didn’t love Amelia. He did.
He’d play with her and shower her with affection. But I was on my own when it came to the main tasks like feeding, changing diapers, and waking up in the middle of the night.
I didn’t really talk to Derrick about it until my maternity leave ended.
“Derrick, I need your help with Amelia now that I’m going back to work,” I said.
He nodded and agreed, but his actions didn’t match his words. He’d do the bare minimum if I asked but never took initiative.
A woman holding her baby | Source: Pexels
Then came the day everything changed.
It started like any other morning. I was brushing my teeth while Amelia sat in her high chair, watching her favorite show.
I was running late and hoped Derrick would help get Amelia ready for daycare. But there he was, sprawled on the couch, scrolling through TikTok videos.
I was annoyed. I was SO ANNOYED.
I walked into the living room after rinsing my mouth and stood right in front of him.
A woman standing in a living room | Source: Midjourney
“Why haven’t you made Amelia’s breakfast yet?” I asked sternly.
He looked at me like I’d just asked him to recite the Declaration of Independence backward.
“I was waiting to ask you what to make,” he said, shrugging.
“Seriously, Derrick?” I spat. “She eats scrambled eggs every day before daycare. You’ve seen me make them a hundred times!”
“Well, you didn’t say anything this morning,” he retorted.
That’s when I lost it.
An angry woman | Source: Midjourney
“Do I have to spell out every single thing for you? I’m doing everything for our daughter. Changing her, packing her daycare bag, and brushing her teeth. And you? You’re just existing!”
I thought he’d realize his mistake and help me with the chores. Nope. He decided to argue with me.
“If you want me to help, make me a list. Otherwise, I’m not doing anything,” he said.
A man looking straight ahead | Source: Midjourney
“A list? Are you kidding me?” I rolled my eyes. “You’re her father, not an employee. Have you ever seen someone handing me a list? I know what she needs because I’m her mother! You should too!”
“Make a list, or I’m out.”
I was so angry I could feel my face flushing red. But I knew there was no point in arguing further.
So, I just made Amelia’s breakfast, got her ready, and left for daycare and work without another word to Derrick.
A woman driving a car | Source: Pexels
All day at work, I couldn’t stop thinking about his demand for a list.
Then, an idea struck me. If he wanted a list, I’d give him one he’d never forget.
I grabbed a piece of paper and started writing. By the time I was done, I had a smile on my face. I folded the paper, tucked it into my bag, and went about my day.
I picked Amelia up from daycare in the evening and headed back home. I knew it was going to be an interesting night.
A house at night | Source: Pexels
When Derrick got home that evening, I was sitting in the living room, ready to show him the list I’d made.
“Hey, I’ve got something for you,” I said, trying to keep my voice casual.
He looked curious as he settled on the couch.
“Really?” he asked. “What is it?”
That’s when I pulled out the folded paper and handed it to him with a smile.
“Here’s that list you wanted.”
He unfolded it, looking confused at first. Then his eyes widened as he read.
A man reading a list | Source: Midjourney
7:00 a.m.: Change her diaper (Make sure to use the right size, not the smaller ones in the other drawer)
7:05 a.m.: Prepare breakfast (Scrambled eggs on daycare days. You know this.)
7:15 a.m.: Clean and fill daycare bottles (She’ll need them for both milk and water, don’t forget to clean them afterward)
7:20 a.m.: Brush her teeth (Just like you brush your own. Use the tiny toothbrush in the bathroom cabinet)
7:30 a.m.: Get her dressed (Her clothes are in the drawer, the ones labeled ‘Daycare outfits’)
A child’s clothes in a wardrobe | Source: Pexels
7:35 a.m.: Pack her daycare bag (Diapers, wipes, an extra outfit, and her favorite toy)
7:45 a.m.: Put her in the car (And make sure she has her shoes on, please)
8:00 a.m.: Drop her off at daycare (Address is the same. You’ve been there before)
He looked up at me, but I just nodded for him to keep reading.
A man looking up, shocked | Source: Midjourney
The list continued:
12:00 p.m.: Pick her up from daycare (Don’t be late. You know how much she hates waiting)
12:15 p.m.: Change her diaper (By now, it’ll definitely need it)
12:30 p.m.: Prepare lunch (She loves those little veggie pouches, but maybe mix it up with some real food)
1:00 p.m.: Playtime (She needs mental stimulation, not just screen time. Take her outside if the weather’s good)
2:00 p.m.: Nap time (Good luck getting her down without her favorite stuffed animal)
A little girl sleeping | Source: Pexels
4:00 p.m.: Snack time (Cut-up fruits or crackers work. No sugary junk)
5:30 p.m.: Prepare dinner (Something soft she can chew. Don’t forget her bib)
6:00 p.m.: Bath time (Be careful, she loves to splash. Keep the water warm but not too hot)
7:00 p.m.: Bedtime routine (Brush her teeth again, read her a story, and put her to sleep)
And then, at the very end of the list, the final line:
Final task: Pay child support.
Derrick’s face went pale.
A man looking straight ahead, shocked | Source: Midjourney
“Wh-What does that mean?” he stammered, looking up at me. “Child support?”
I took a deep breath and replied calmly, “If you want me to give you a step-by-step guide for raising our daughter, I’ll happily do it, but as a co-parent. You see if we’re living in the same house, you’re her father, and I shouldn’t have to spoon-feed you every single thing that needs to be done. I’ll write lists for a divorced parent, not for a husband.”
Derrick was silent. He didn’t know what to say.
A man sitting on a couch | Source: Midjourney
I could see the wheels turning in his head as the reality of the situation sank in. I wasn’t angry anymore, just tired. Tired of feeling like a single parent in a two-parent household.
Finally, Derrick folded the list and set it down on the coffee table.
“I get it,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for being absent. I know I should’ve been more involved from the start.”
Those words were like a dam breaking. We talked for hours that night. I’m sure that was the first time we REALLY TALKED since Amelia was born.
We discussed our expectations, our fears, and our hopes for our family.
A man looking at his wife | Source: Midjourney
That’s when Derrick admitted he felt overwhelmed and unsure about being a dad, which was why he’d been so hands-off. Meanwhile, I shared how lonely and frustrated I’d been because of his absence.
“I never meant to make you feel like you were in this alone,” Derrick said, taking my hand. “I want to be a good dad, I really do. I just… I guess I didn’t know where to start.”
“You start by showing up,” I told him. “By being present and willing to learn. That’s all I’ve wanted from you.”
A woman talking to her husband | Source: Midjourney
I’m glad to admit that things have changed since that night. Derrick has stepped up in ways I never imagined.
He gets up for night feedings, mastered the art of diaper changing, and even instituted a weekly “Daddy-Daughter Day” where he takes Amelia out for special time together.
The list wasn’t just a wake-up call for Derrick. It was a turning point for our whole family.
We learned to communicate better, to share the load, and to appreciate each other’s efforts.
A couple holding hands | Source: Midjourney
Now, when I see Derrick reading bedtime stories to Amelia or teaching her how to build block towers, my heart swells with love and gratitude.
In the end, I have a message for all moms out there feeling like they’re doing it all alone. Please don’t be afraid to speak up. Please tell your partner what you really feel.
Sometimes, all it takes is a wake-up call to turn things around. Your partner might surprise you once you tell them what you expect from your relationship.
And if they don’t? Well, then you’ll know where you stand, and you can make decisions accordingly.
